A woman who is beautiful without any substance is like a Mercedes Benz without an engine. I do not say this to belittle women; I say this because men with substance desire to have women who can offer more than their looks. This does not mean that you have to have a certain degree or certain job, but it does mean that you should have goals and are working towards completing your goals.
I can say that there are a few men who want women strictly for their looks. These women are called, “trophies”. Do you want to be a trophy or are you comfortable being a “trophy”? If this is what you desire to be, I would encourage you to really reflect on your value and determine if you are worth more than being a trophy. If you do not believe you are worth more than being a trophy, then I am here to tell you that you are.
A trophy is valueless. Think about someone who won a trophy for performing well in a sporting event. When people see the trophy, they do not think about the value of the trophy, nor do they really care about the trophy itself. The true attention is on the person who was able to accomplish a certain feat to receive the trophy. This is the same type situation in a relationship. If you are only a trophy, you are only good for looks and the truth is, you are only in the shadows of the guy who has you.
Instead of using your physical attributes to get a man or allowing a man to seek you only because of your attractiveness, try forcing a guy to get to know you as a person. You listed 5 things that made you a valuable woman in part 1, so it is imperative that he sees and acknowledge these attributes. This should happen through conversations, being properly courted, and showing a true commitment to you without sex. A man should explore your mind well before he ever explores your body. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God. Beautiful queens, please treat your bodies as temples and do not allow it to become plastic and valueless (trophies).
Remember that looks fade over time. If a guy only pursued you for your physical presence, he will be more apt to leave you whenever your looks begin to alter. A prime example of this is Camille Grammar. Her superstar husband Kelsey Grammar dated her when she was a beautiful young woman, but once they reached their 50’s, he left her for a younger woman. Camille did not deserve this, nor do you; so I would highly encourage you to challenge any guy who is trying to pursue you to get to know you mentally and get to see the natural beauty within you. Natural Beauty does not deteriorate over time because it is not physical. Expend most of your energy working on your natural beauty (internal) and less on physical beauty because this is where you are most valuable. Men will respect you so much more when they respect your natural beauty.
© 2012, Dr. Corey Guyton. All rights reserved.
Dr. Corey Guyton is a dynamic speaker, blogger, author, and husband who is on a mission to bring back the essence of healthy relationships. Alongside his wife, Dr. Chutney Guyton, their movement has gained momentum and they have been sought out by many colleges, conferences, churches, and organizations for their powerful keynotes, workshops, books, and personal consulting.
I disagree. Guys do look at the body and your appearance first before they even allow themselves to explore your mind. How can any woman get close to any man as a friend if he wont even give you the time of day to even strike a conversation with you and its all because the woman may not be built like a brick house or look like a movie star. Black men especially wouldnt allow themselves to date any black sister whos a little overweight. Now they will choose a overweighht white women wayy before dating a sister.
I don’t buy it either. All men look at is physical appearance and if it doesn’t meet their liking, they won’t ever spend the time to get to know your inner beauty and it takes a certain t ype of caliber of guy to date without committment to sex. The average black man will keep looking for sex until he finds a woman who will give it to him. You do need to have this discussion with black men and teach them how to value and respect women beyond their looks, they put women on videos and are always placing so much empasis on a woman’s physical attributes so how can you blame the women for wanting to look good. Focus on building the character and integrity of black men and teaching them how to be leaders and men of valor, then we would see more blossoming black families.
I don’t buy it. MEN are the ones that look for physical appearance. MOST don’t care about anything else. YOU are judging everything based on you and your wife. IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE BLACK MEN ARE NOW CARRIED AWAY WITH GETTING A WHITE WOMEN…EVEN THOUGH THEY WERE REARED BY BLACK MOTHERS, AUNTS AND GRANDMOTHERS
YOU NEED TO BE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION WITH THE BROTHERS.. OR USE TO BE BROTHERS!!!!
I really appreciate your comment Deborah, because you are absolutely correct.
Thank you for the kind words and thank you for reading my articles. Also thank you for supporting Blacklifecoaches.net. If I can ever be of assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Mr. Guyton, again, a very wonderfully worded motivational article. Keep up the good work.
You can have all that, but without Jesus in your life… you have nothing. What good is it to gain the whole world and lose your soul. Everyone wants to aspire to more knowledge than that our our creator and Savior, Christ.