I used to get caught up in a whirlwind cycle of insecurity and timidity each time someone offered me their unsolicited opinion about me or about something I was doing. Whether they knew it or not, it sent me diving into a sea of self-pity. Often I would ask myself, “What’s wrong with me?” always blaming myself and thinking that everything is my fault. I figured the issue must have been with me because if not, people wouldn’t continue to make comments about what I couldn’t or shouldn’t do. But one day I finally woke up and got a handle on who I am.
If you focus on looking for something wrong, you will find it. It’s just as easy to look for all the right things, and that’s what I began to do. There’s a world out there full of self-hatred, self-doubt and fear, but loving yourself is the most novel and energizing thing you can do.
I am of the opinion that unconditionally loving yourself is necessary to maneuvering effectively in this world.
The faces and symptoms of low self-esteem can be different depending on who you are. I’ve seen people downsize their lives to what they think about themselves. In spite of all the praying and believing, the manifestation of God’s promises of healing, provision and deliverance isn’t evident in their daily lives. If this is you, you might be missing the key component of confidence to your faith. And that ingredient is love.
Upgrade Your Life
The quality of your life is directly associated with how you see and feel about yourself. Of course you must make some changes and improvements from time to time, but in this life journey, self-love will take you far and wide beyond what anyone else can do for you. The truth of the matter is you are the only person who can change your outlook about yourself. When I discovered this, I was set free. I’ve learned to love myself. I don’t feel limited, burdened or held back by a poor self-image.
I so much want you to get this. I’ve seen too many of my sisters barricaded behind a poor self-image. They have lost their own power and identity—some of them have been impacted by the perspective of their influential mate or boss. These sisters have put their goals and dreams on the shelf because they feeling lesser than them.
As I write this today, my heart cries because I know that low self-esteem and lack of confidence is nothing more than a belief and perception. No one can control how you feel about yourself without your permission. Now, life happens and you can feel the sting of hateful words and mis-guided opinions. But you are an overcomer and you have the ability to overcome evil with good because the love of God is shed abroad in your heart by the Holy Ghost. (See Romans 12:21 and 5:5). I want to help you to break-free and move out into where God would have you right now.
How do you learn to love yourself?
Begin by honoring yourself. Be the guest of honor at your own life’s party. Let go of what you thought you should be. Let go of what others have wanted you to be and instead focus on becoming what God designed you to be. The success and influence of others doesn’t lie in giving up your dreams. Handing over the responsibility for your life and happiness to another is a false sense of security.
Your purpose isn’t “out there” and it isn’t negotiable. It lies within you. All you have to do is wake it up. Every time one door closes, another one will soon open. Seize the opportunity to improve any short-comings by making adjustments, gaining more information and working smarter. The more you invest in yourself, the more confident you will become.
Loving yourself is a prerequisite for enhancing your confidence, building self-esteem, and transforming your mindset. Moreover, you should love yourself because God does. If he loves you unconditionally, then who are you to object? I tell you this, one of the worst things you could ever do is think that God doesn’t love you. Thoughts like these have easier access when you are wallowing in self-pity wondering why you are going through.
360 Interior Assessment: Get a journal and every day review your God-given qualities and the things you love about yourself.
• What are your memorable achievements?
• What are some special compliments given by others?
• What were the special moments that made you feel wonderful?
And live in expectancy that something good is coming your way everyday. Begin to expect your tragedies to become your trophies. God is looking at something in you that others can’t see.
360 Interior Living in Action: Did you know that one of the characteristics of a confident woman who loves herself is she doesn’t let her feelings dictate how she dresses? Surveys say bright colors can put you in a cheerful mood. I tend to agree. Colors are powerful. And when you are looking your best, you will feel your best.
And by the way, you have a partner. The Holy Spirit is the most valuable asset in the life of a Believer. He is your invisible partner who has been sent to be your Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Counselor, Comforter and Standby (See John 14:16, AMP). You must:
• Acknowledge his presence in your life
• Place your trust and confidence in Him.
• Build your confidence in you by spending time with Him.
As you spend time with Him in prayer; fellowship with Him in worship; and get to know Him by reading the Word, you will recognize your value and self-worth and get to know true love because God is love (1 John 4:8).
© 2012, Dr. Deana Murphy. All rights reserved.