There are tons of individuals who hate being single and constantly bounce from one unhealthy relationship to the next without properly healing. Typically, this desire to be in a new relationship is rooted in a yearning for love, the uneasiness of being lonely, or to patch the hurt from a previous unhealthy relationship. My blogging colleague Sharelle D. Lowery (@themanbreak) has defined these individuals as being “habitual relationship jumpers”.
Moving from one relationship to another is not a problem if handled properly (i.e. proper healing has occurred). The problem typically arises when the desire to be in a relationship outweighs the desire to properly cope with and heal from a previous relationship. Although a new relationship may serve as a “band-aid” for a broken heart and may bring a sense of happiness, there is a good chance that the remnants of a past relationship may remain dormant for a bit, while planning its reoccurrence at an inopportune time.
Not properly coping with the hurt or ending of a previous relationship and starting a new one is similar to having a broken bone that is not fully healed, but yet returning to an athletic activity. Although the area where the bone was broken may feel fine and while on the outside a body may look healthy, the wrong movement could cause the bone to be break again and reverse any healing that may have already begun to occur. This can in turn create more damage. The same is true in relationships. If a person does not properly heal from a relationship and embarks on the journey of love with a new person, any small thing could trigger a response generated by after-effects of a past relationship. Here are a few things that all habitual relationship jumpers should know:
- The Importance of Time. Unfortunately, most of us were not created with the ability to forget past wrongdoings and it is hard for us not to be affected by them. One of the best and proven ways for us to get over hurt is to allow proper healing time. The amount of healing time may vary per individual, but it is necessary for us to go through a grieving period as we are suffering through the loss/end of a relationship. The period of recovery can be similar to taking a vacation — just away from dating.
- Avoid Temporary Fixes and Address the Root. Patching one relationship with a new one is a temporary fix and does not typically work. Most people use new relationships the same way some people use drugs. Many drug users seek a drug induced high to temporarily cover the harsh realities of life. The problem is that once the high fades away, the same problems still exist. This is the same for relationships. A new relationship may bring temporary happiness and fill a temporary void, but underneath these fulfillments are the traumas generated from previous relationships. The best way to fix a problem is to discover the root of the problem and properly address it.
- It is Ok to Seek Counsel. There is a negative stigma attached to counseling, and the misconception held by many is that a person seeking counseling must be crazy. This is a huge fallacy and it causes our communities to miss out on life changing opportunities. Seeking counseling for heartbreak is like a person with a broken bone going to an Orthopedic Surgeon (bone doctor). In both situations, trained professionals meet with clients to help them get back healthy so they can move forward in life.
Ultimately, jumping from relationship to relationship is not the key to healthy dating. Loneliness is not reason enough to settle for less than you deserve. If you are a habitual relationship jumper, ask yourself why you feel the need to constantly be in a new relationship. Once you answer this question, you will be able to address the real issue. I encourage you to always remember your value and to not settle for anyone less than you deserve. Instead of jumping from relationship to relationship, focus on finding the one who really loves you. This way you can have one long relationship instead of many. #QualityOverQuantity
© 2012, Dr. Corey Guyton. All rights reserved.