Have you ever loved someone so deeply that you would do almost anything to save that person from pain? Would you stand by and continue to let people know how much you care and how special they really are when they are mistreating you through their hurt? What happens when they can’t see through their own hurt and jaded perceptions and realize their immeasurable value?
Imagine a situation where a significant other, child or co-worker is the hurting person that begins hurting you. If you are related to someone hurting you, does that make it easier to deal with it because you know deep down that person really loves you? Would this make it harder because you can’t fathom how someone who says “I love you” can mistreat you?
Theologians would most likely tell you that no matter the situation, you must forgive and move forward as they quote bible scriptures. Though I agree, they say it almost routinely as if they’re saying “go wash the window.” It seems as if they’ve unintentionally forgotten that we are still human; many of us have not reached their level of spiritual maturity. Even those who don’t believe in a greater power understand that forgiving IS what we are SUPPOSED to do, but it can be difficult and for some, practically impossible. Today, I ask the question: what about the scar?
When our bodies become physically injured, our skin is broken or torn in some way, and we develop scars. The scars come from tissue that grows to repair the area. Our bodies may try to make up for the damage, but they are never returned to their original forms. Even the most miniscule scar indicates there was damage that won’t go away, but instead serves as a reminder of what we have overcome.
Emotional scars are far more detrimental than some realize:
- There is no visible outward scar that screams “Hello, Damage Here!”
- There is no healing lotion that will minimize their appearance.
- The psychological scars can make their way into almost every aspect of our lives, hindering our forward movement.
- They can affect the way we think as well as who we trust and don’t trust.
- They can affect the choices we make for the rest of our lives, even in our careers.
- Even with therapy, we have to train our minds to divert around scars; yet, the scars are still there.
Love, on the other hand, is and always has been what love will be – a healing balm. It helps us to deal with the scars in our lives. It forges the understanding that forgiveness is for us and not just the other person. Forgiveness itself is the salve for the scars that life’s tragedies or losses have dealt us. It is not easy thing for many of us to latch onto when we are damaged by the hurts we’ve endured. Even when we do place the balm of forgiveness on our wounds, they sometimes open back up like gaping lesions.
We must accept that we ALL have scars. We have large scars, and we have small ones, but we do have them. Our attitude is the catalyst for the forgiveness we need to tend to our scars. No one has cornered the market on determining exactly how long it takes each of us to recover from emotional trauma, but it is possible to keep moving.
When we change our thinking, we realize the scars are reminders of the experiences in our lives that have molded us into who we are today. It is up to us to allow those experiences to form scars of love, understanding and true forgiveness of wrongdoings that help build better people.
© 2012 – 2013, Aleasa M. Word. All rights reserved.
Aleasa M. Word is the Managing Director of Allergy Words Consulting, LLC of Newark, DE. Her coaching model is Emotional Intelligence with a focus on Reactionary Change. Her firm also offers a variety of business and personal consulting solutions.
