If you want to get a man or a woman make sure you “get” you first! The idea that getting another person or having a relationship is going to make it all better is a fairytale that has to be relinquished. If having a relationship were all there is to it; breakups, separation and divorce would never be. It’s not about getting them it’s about getting you, because whether you are in a relationship or not, you will always have you to be (with). Yes, a relationship can enhance who you are and bring intensity to the quality of your life but it’s an addition a not personal completion. No one can complete you per se, but two complete people can’t help but form a whole a relationship. So whether you want a traditional marriage, a long-term relationship or just want to be boo’d up; if you don’t “get you” by knowing who you are, how will your significant other know and appreciate who they are getting? Not only that, how will you realistically know what you want from a relationship, if those qualities you desire from someone else are estranged because you haven’t consistently been them to yourself?
You say you want love, happiness, security, acceptance, etc. and in order to get that from someone else you have to know what that looks and feels like internally, so you’ll be able to recognize it externally. You have to “get you” and that’s two-fold: knowledge and acceptance. Do you know who you are? Not just surface facts, but that depth of knowledge or self-discovery that goes beyond your name, occupation and status. You have to know who you are beyond that because those things may benefit the relationship but they are not the sum total of who you are. Names and titles wind up being generic and can even change, but who you are as a spiritual expression is much more than that! Self-discovery is your gateway of acceptance.
Not knowing who you are or your purpose is self-ignorance and self-ignorance ultimately breeds dysfunction of varied extremes. The best way to avoid dysfunctional in a relationship is to be self-educated. Know your purpose and accept who you are – get you! That is why some people get married or make a long-term commitment and when there’s no sense of purpose, they won’t have a working knowledge of who the “two” are (as one) because they don’t get who they are individually. You cannot get your partner if you don’t get yourself. Knowing who you are allows you to teach the desired relationship how to treat you and purpose provides the lesson plan. You are first partaker and a lifetime student of you and you must learn the lesson before you can teach it to someone else – show you then tell somebody. How?
1. Loving yourself first loves everyone else best. It’s not selfish it’s actually the best way to express selflessness and mindfulness because the love you give yourself ensures the quality of love you give and receive in your desired relationship(s).
2. Discovering who you are. The way to get what you want is to get who you are. Discovering who you are and knowing your life’s purpose and mission allows you to staff your relationships accordingly. Realize that in your most exclusive relationships you are fulfilling the role as their life’s purpose assistant as well. You will have to work with and for one another.
3. Knowing the difference between you completing a relationship and a relationship completing you is BIG! Going into a relationship incomplete fragments the foundation and expands pre-existing voids.
4. Realizing you are enough! With all your strengths, qualities, imperfections flaws and all you are enough! Once you realize (real-eyes) you are enough already, everything else will be too! When enough is enough, it IS!
5. Attracting only what you are willing to maintain. Having a sense of purpose radiates confidence and that makes you very attractive, including sexually. So as you attract potential partners your being self-educated should require them to be so too.
When it comes to wanting a relationship, nobody can really love you, long to be with you or choose to date you if you don’t. If you want a relationship get you in every way, by starting with the ONE within to discover and know who you are – your purpose and life’s mission. Get you and the rest will follow suit. Make time to be with you and it will allow you teach your other relationships to behave accordingly because they will see how well you get along with yourself. When you get you, they will too and then you can decide if you want them to.
© 2013, Tracy McNeil. All rights reserved.